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The idea of bonding is usually associated with positivity
but there is also a bond that is considered unhealthy and it is called trauma
bonding. According to Stines (2015), trauma bonding is being loyal to someone who
is destructive. Examples of this type of bond are those with addictive habits,
alcoholics or in domestic violence because trauma bonds arise when there is unstable
reinforcement in relationships. A promise is what makes the victims stay in
unhealthy environments. Because of that promise, victims gain hope. Thus,
manipulation takes place and the victim becomes prey. Apart from unhealthy
environments, other situations that involve trauma bonding are kidnapping,
hostage situations and child abuse or incest (Stines, 2015). As per Cones
(1997), trauma bonding is caused by cycles of abuse.


According to Dodgson (2017), when you’re looking for a
partner, an abusive person can pretend to be someone you’re looking for and
will give you plenty of affection in order to win your heart. He further
explains that abusers project genuine personality at first which was believed
by the victim and when the abuser finally shows his/her immoral attitude, the
victims would blame themselves for making their partner act like that. The same
pattern that is followed by an abusive relationship was idealization,
devaluation, and discarding that is believed to be narcissistic. A day will
come when the abuser would not be able to get benefit from the victim because
the victim would become so broken already.The victims will finally see the
damage that has been done when the abuser is gone. They will accept that they
have been abused. At this point, they will grieve but they will also realize that
it wasn’t their fault. Once they become aware of the mindset of the abuser, the
victims will have a choice of freedom that is within their hands (What Abusers
Hope We Never Learn About Traumatic Bonding, 2018). After being released from
an unhealthy attachment, a person will perceive the harm that it caused. After
this, the person will break the trauma bond and will stay away from toxic
relationships to prevent it from happening again (Stines, 2015)

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