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How to control people who make you feel

You have got a relative who always acts to
be an expert on everything. Even though the advice is sometimes useful the
constant drumbeat of supposedly knowledge based conclusions that comes out of
this persons mouth leaves you to feel that somehow you are defective. When you
consider ,it seems to be a master piece of advice but has been designed to
drive the point home that your ideas completely lacks validity

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When people go out of their way to make you
feel bad about yourself, the question is whether is it you or them. If you feel
yourself as robust, it should not really be affected by some small incident
that exposes your inadequacy. In fact, when you consider, there are people who
make you feel nice when you are around them feeling defensive. A research done
by Simon Fraser and his colleagues from University Uthike Girme examined what
is called “relationship specific” attachment insecure. They suggested
 which people can be made feel insecure
within there some relationships, even when on the whole, they have got a solid
sense of who they are. Although the research is based on attachment of security
within a romantic bond ,the outcome can be thought of as generalizable to other
close relationships as well.

As the Girme noted “greater  turbulence in the form of more negative and emotions,
irritations that occur during hard transition periods escalates doubts and
increases feelings of uncertainty about the relationship. If explained in
another way, what have been made you insecure in your relationship, you will
start questioning yourself whether your partner will be there for you. Translating
this thing to more basic form of feeling insecure with a non-romantic partner of
the experience of being made to deal not safe should also create emotional turbulence.
Part of what might effect your sense of not been secure, though, is whether you
expect the relationship will endure over time. If you feel that you are going
through a hard time that eventually will sort itself out, you would not be as
upset if some other person is been not supportive.

Attachment security is the simple feeling
that your relationship with others is solid and will endure over time. People
who are high in this quality, additionally have an equally solid sense of
themselves. They do not care when someone comes along who challenges this
stable base. However, if the researchers of Simon Fraser University are right ,
you do not feel secure just for a day and do not feel secure next day, Girme ET
Al firstly hypnotized people that are high in attachment security, expected
their relationships to be more stable with time and it was confirmed thru the
experiment. They next checked whether people’s feelings of distress would
vary according to fluctuations in attachment security and on a study of
individuals drawn from a community sample, were able to establish the point. At
last, using a few samples of couples undergoing the change of parenthood ,a
notably stressful time, the Canadian researchers proved that those who attach
security fluctuated the most throughout this 2 year period of time of change in
their partner availability where the ones who felt the most amount of emotional

In summarizing the researches of their
three studies, Girme and her crew conclude that their work “counter
balance(S) previous research documenting secure individuals steadfast
resilience when confronted with potentially harming relationship experiences. In
fact, the people who has  hope for the
greatest relationship of stability are the ones who suffer the most when the
thing is not right. The flip side of this is that people low in attachment
security does not seem as distressed if their relationship partner becomes not
available for them. Expecting less, they are less surprised and disappointed.

If we look at the solutions of the Canadian
research team to other,non romantic relationships, similar principles are applied.
In your own gang of friends, relations and coworkers, there are some
individuals who reinforce and others who undermine your own security. In these
situations, it is important to ask thyself why these individuals challenge your
basic sense of self. Is it because they are outright critical? Or do they make
themselves seem more desirable by been emotionally not available? Then ask
thyself whether it is you or them? What makes people to need to make you feel
not secure.

To get answers of the some of the
questions, look outside your own relationship with the specific
insecurity-fostering people. How do they relate to others and what do others do
in their presence? Do you feel that others are feel to made small? Once you
realize that is them and not you, this can help you neutralize your
interactions with them. Going ahead with them in time, knowing that you will be
taken down the path of self-doubt and anxiety, will allow you to make more
objective appraisals of the situation. Girme Et Al took notice that people who
are the high in attachment of security who were made to feel not secured also
felt higher levels of the emotional distress. You can put away that distress
when you understand its source. You can also use this method in order to find
about your behavior with others. You are confident in your own self worth so
that you would need to inflict this pain on others.

To Buckle up, the method you handle people who make you feel not
secured in your attention inward and shore up your own self esteem. Just
because one person lets you down does not mean you are not capable. There are
also some situations you feel you are vulnerable. Identify how peoples emotions
of security can change over time and this will help you to less the distress
that one given individual can make in your life


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